Love- Romance-Marriage nia ato boro oponnas write korar ki dorkar....
Relation ja nijar moto kora jabava nay......
if i say smethg wrong pls perdon me...........
ShumaN's Salam To You <free_happysoul@yahoo.com> wrote:
ShumaN's Salam To You <free_happysoul@yahoo.com> wrote:
There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practiced in the West. There is no dating or living in "de facto" relationship or trying each other out before committing to each other. There is to be no physical relationship whatsoever before marriage. The romantic notions that occupy the mind of young people often have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the West to understand this point. To give an example, the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on. Yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not result in an everlasting bond between two people.
In most cases, romance and love die out very quickly when couple find themselves with the real world. The unrealistic expectation that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
The West makes fun of the Islamic way of marriage, in particular arranged marriage. Yet, the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship. This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner. Love blinds people to the extent of overlooking potential problems in the relationship. Arranged marriages, on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions, but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why such marriage often proves successful.
From an Islamic perspective, in choosing a partner, the most important factor that should be taken into consideration is Taqwa (i.e. piety and consciousness of Allah). The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recommended the suitors to see each other before going through with marriage procedures. That is very important because it is unreasonable for two people to be thrown into marriage and be expected to have a successful marital life, full of love and affection, when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other.
This ruling does not contradict the Qur'anic verse that says, "…believing men and women should lower their gaze" ( Surah An-Nur: 30). The couple, however, are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the Hadith says: "When a man and a woman are together alone, the Shaytan (Satan) makes their third." One of the conditions of a valid marriage is the consent of the couple. Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people. The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The Prophet( peace and blessings be upon him) said: " The widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented to that and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is sought." The Prophet (Sallalla-hu 'alaihi wa'sallaam) did nullify the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.
Though love is something nice, and it is recommended for a man to marry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet (Sallalla-hu 'alaihi wa'sallaam) said: "There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage." (Sahih Al-Jami`, Hadith no- 5200) However, this love should not be overwhelming and cause a person to forget other characteristics which he should look for in the person he wants to marry. The most important characteristic is religious commitment. The Prophet (Pbuh) says: "A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her commitment to religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!" (Agreed-upon Hadith).
Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love because of Allah and we hate because of Allah. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage. All those stories of media and movies are not helpful to make a person comply with the teachings of Islam.
We do not say love is "Halal" or "Haram" because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.
Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah.
In this context, we'd like to cite the following fatwa that clarifies the Islamic ruling on falling in love:
" If we are speaking about the emotion which we call "love" then we are simply speaking of a feeling. What we feel toward a particular person is not of great importance, until our feeling is expressed in a particular action. Now if that action is permissible, then well and good. If it is forbidden, then we have incurred something that Allah does not approve of. If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden."
(Excerpted, from: www.islamicity.com )
Shedding more light on the issue in point we'd like to cite the words of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He states:
"In Islam, it is not a sin if you feel a special affinity or inclination towards a certain individual since human beings have no control on such natural inclinations. We are, however, definitely responsible and accountable if we get carried away by such feelings and take specific actions or steps that might be deemed as haram (forbidden).
As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of 'dating' and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.
If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram. In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "That would enhance/foster the bonding."
This permission notwithstanding, we are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person's real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character. Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to consider primarily "the religious or character factor" over and above all other considerations."
(Excerpted, from:www.muslims.ca )Written by- IOL (islamonline) Shari`ah Researcherswww.islamonline.net ( Has been posted with some modifications )
" Man is eyes, the rest is only flesh: But the true eyes are those that see the Friend (i.e Allah) ; .......Merge the whole of yourself in your eyes, Go towards the vision, go towards the vision, go towards the vision."
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